Where … to spend a penny in Brussels

Where … to spend a penny in style, discussed the down-to-Earth attitude of Europeans to the issue of spending a penny. The epitome of this relaxed stance is the European capital, Brussels. Its iconic Manneken Pis (pictured above) is a famous bronze statue of a urinating street urchin from the 1600’s. Every visitor to the city should see it once although most of us leave disappointed at his diminutive size. A few tourists venture to find his much younger sister Jeannekin Pis peeing since 1987. Even fewer seek out the family dog Het Zinneke (often called Zinneke Pis) who has only had his leg cocked against a bollard since 1998. As an aside, this reminds me of a childhood riddle: what does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs? The answer, of course, is shake hands.

The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary – which, with almost 4,000 pages and 220,000 words in two hefty volumes, surely proves that size is relative – describes Pissoir rather pithily: A public urinal, esp. in France. With such an attitude to public urination, it should come as little surprise that my favourite pissoir isn’t in France, it’s in Belgium. I confess that I’ve never had the need to use it. It’s a favourite because of its controversial location; situated against the exterior wall of St. Catherine’s church in the bohemian neighbourhood of the same name. This height of freedom-of-expression has caused much friction over the years from those who consider it a disgraceful lack of regard for a holy place. The fact that the urinal still exists shows just how tolerant Brussels is.

You will be relieved to read that the most famous Brussels toilets are not on the streets but in one of the city’s finest restaurants, Belga Queen. Although the restaurant will be the focus of a future post, I should set the scene. The dining room is a former 18th century banking hall; elegant, bright, sophisticated. The style is matched by the controlled design applied to everything in the building from the modern sculptures, the Zeppelin light fixtures, the waiters’ costumes, the wonderful food and … you guessed it … the toilets.

The toilets are hidden from the dining hall by thick velvet curtains. Behind them, a huge walk-around wash basin with piles of freshly laundered hand towels. The Unknowing will get their first shock at this point; there’s someone of the opposite sex washing their hands! Did I take a wrong turn? Don’t be flustered. Do what most Unknowing people do the very first time – wash your hands slowly and check-out the lie of the land. To the left you will spy a large green wall with water flowing over it. Clearly that’s for the men. But to the right, there are two cubicles with transparent glass walls and doors. What? This can’t be right. If you’re lucky, Someone In The Know will arrive and head for one or other of the cubicles. You want to avert your eyes but somehow shock has taken control of your body – possibly with the exception of your dropping jaw. The One In The Know enters a cubicle, turns around and … look away, look away … but before you can, the glass door and walls go a translucent milky white and suddenly the penny drops (possibly the one that you wanted to spend). Ah … that’s clever!

Where? Belga Queen, 32 Rue du Fossé aux Loups 32, 1000 Brussels, Belgium.

Why? There are many reasons to go to Belga Queen: the seafood bar, the champagne bar, the cigar lounge in the bank vault basement, the restaurant itself. Choose your reason but be assured that the highlight of the first visit will always be the toilets.